Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
