Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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