how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
