don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
