Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
