i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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