Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
