I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
