i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
