I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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