idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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