Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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