Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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