i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
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I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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