how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize