did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
