Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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