Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
