I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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