I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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