you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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