Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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