can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
