I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Randomize
