I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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