Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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