so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
