People in love make me want to vomit
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
