Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is Oprah even human
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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