was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
