Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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