I'm so fucking centered right now
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is wine microwaveable?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
