I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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