I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
