so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
