This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
