I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
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Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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