You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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