White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
