oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
