She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
