Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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