Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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