So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
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I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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