We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
