That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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