4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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