So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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