apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm really busy with my period
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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