Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
