dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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