i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need water and some morals
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
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