I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Someone signed my nipple.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
