It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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