At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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