It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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