I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
