He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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