At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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