Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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