Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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