My liver just broke up with me...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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